Seven Ways to Improve Your Performing Arts Experience

by Patricia Whitaker

Your attention, please! That's what performing artists request, along with a few other "common courtesies." Whether gifted in music, theater, or dance, these professionals simply want to share their talents with your children.

"I'm grateful for parents taking kids to shows," said concert pianist and Suzuki accompanist Tamara Goldstein. "Studies conclude that education and awareness at a young age are a factor in concert attendance later on. But, there are guidelines for civil behavior."

Since etiquette is a learned behavior, I asked area teachers and performers what could be improved. They offered the following "codes of conduct," applicable to lessons or events.

Be On Time
Yes, it's difficult getting kids anywhere on time. But artists and teachers alike believe "promptness is a virtue" and consider tardiness and late arrivals very annoying. Beyond disrupting others, it's unfair to your own child to miss an opening scene or class "hello" song. So plan ahead. Leave yourself time to park, walk to the program, and go to the bathroom. Offer snacks ahead of time to prevent hearing "I'm hungry!" or "I'm tired!"

Keep Quiet or Chat Elsewhere
Teachers think it rude when parents sit around and talk during lessons, but most aren't comfortable saying so. Astonishingly, background conversations detract from learning — which is why kids are in lessons!

"I know grown-ups need their own social contact — which is a secondary benefit to coming to music classes — but talking breaks the focus and flow of the class," said music educator Jane Smolens. "With music classes especially, children are trying to process the sounds being taught, and parental voices erase what's being learned."

Kindermusik teacher Judy Lambert advised, "If parents are visiting, don't strike up personal conversations. It's very distracting."

Some instructors now ban parents from classes, such as Ana Claire of Boulder Ballet. "For a while we allowed parents in during creative movement classes, but they would sit and talk and laugh."

At a performance, quiet voices when the show begins. Whisper to communicate. Are there exceptions to the "no noise" rule? Yes! In theater, laughter is always acceptable during funny moments. If a show is obviously interactive, speak out. Clap when appropriate throughout performances (if you're unsure when , follow the audience). Clap at the end to express your approval. And saying "Thank you!" is always appreciated.

Expect and Model Good Behavior
"Modeling good audience behavior will help children learn to appreciate public performance," said Jo Ann Lamun of Peanut Butter Players. "Our big problem is parents letting kids run up and down the aisles." Used to moving around and talking in their own homes, kids attend theater not realizing they need to be still and quiet.

Rosey Waters, of Imagination Makers Theater Company, speaks directly to "acting up" kids. "Most are used to watching movies and videos in which people aren't real. But I tell them, 'We are real! And we can see and hear everything you do, and doing distracting things makes our job difficult.'"

Exit, Please
Even if you paid for tickets or lessons, be prepared that sometimes it just won't work. "If a child is having a hard time, be considerate. If after 2-3 minutes a child can't refocus and center then the parent should take the child out," advised Betsy Keating, a movement and music teacher. "Allowing your child to tantrum is truly a disservice."

Carol Heepke, who books shows at Boulder's main library, lists appropriate ages for most events, but invariably people bring kids too young to enjoy or endure a program meant for older siblings. "I just remind parents with little ones to please sit by the aisle. The performers won't be insulted if you leave," she said.

Say you're only 10 minutes into a show and your child whines, "I don't want to be here, I wanna go home!" Then leave, said performer/teacher Sue Schnitzer "You can't force kids to sit through something they don't want to." Ask for a refund on your way out, you may get one. In any case, try again another time. If all is well and you're enjoying the show, stay the entire time, don't try sneaking out early near the end.
Keep Sick Kids Home

Here again, even if it means missing out, be considerate. Prevent contagion. Smolens said sickness is an issue in music classes because so many kids handle instruments, even though she routinely disinfects them. And who is comfortable with a seatmate's sneezing, blowing and coughing?

Treat People and Places with Respect
Just because a performance is "for kids" doesn't mean it's of lesser quality than adult shows. "We're delivering the same level of professional theater, just for a different age group," noted Waters.

Heepke added, "Sometimes people think that because a program is free at the library, it's not as valuable as something they pay for. And that attitude carries over into their behavior."

Teachers and event hosts suggest parents teach children to be respectful of the surroundings. Don't eat or drink if not allowed, don't let children dance on the tables and chairs, stay off stage (unless invited on), keep away from sound equipment, and leave props untouched.

Keep arm's-length from your child to prevent a harmful situation, said Schnitzer. "It really is a safety issue. It's up to parents to keep kids where they're supposed to be, and to be aware of and respect the venue."
Participate, Be in the Moment

Go beyond just monitoring your child's behavior. Children benefit when parents embrace what they're doing. Be involved and enthusiastic.

"We put on kids' shows expecting parents to take their children," said Schnitzer. "We want you to enjoy it together." Afterward, talk about the experience.

So parents, let us give performing arts professionals the respect and attention they deserve, while they give us opportunities for growth and enjoyment. As Schnitzer reminded me, "Boulder County people are lucky there are so many events to take kids to, and such a wide variety. Get out as much as you can. It's there. Go for it!"

Patricia Whitaker writes from Boulder and enjoys attending children's performing arts events with her children, Laura and Joshua. Her email is patwhit@hotmail.com.